Pondering on my nonexistent memories

I have a really bad memory, so I can convince myself that things never happen.
Or my subconscious does the job for me. I have a really active
imagination, too, so sometimes when I look back on memories and share
them with people I had them with, they have to tell me it never
happened and it was all in my head. It’s also creepy because my
hearing’s not the best either, and I can hear people the wrong way or
not at all, so I have to construct what they might have said in my
head. Sometimes I wonder if things in my life ever happened at
all…and there are huge gaps in memory just of the past year or two.
I can convince myself that the past never really happened sometimes,
and it makes me feel really peaceful. Like, I know that would sound
weird, but whatever happened in the past made me who I am now, and I
can’t ever go back. It’s also convenient because it’s hard to stay mad
or hold a grudge when I don’t even remember what the problem was. It
gets annoying when I have to try and remember lines for a play or an
important message and I can’t. My head’s full of stupid trivia and
book plots, though, and though I can’t remember geometry definitions I
can remember that I saw an armadillo in Texas 5 years ago….or maybe
I didn’t…